Kitchen Help

The humans need help. They regularly prepare food, but they do things like wash and chop leaves, and stir weird powders into perfectly good milk or meat. And the meat! They always cook it. Ugh. Flavor gone.

I try to assist them. It's really outside the scope of my duties as a World Legion of Cats reprentstive, but I do it because I am fond of them. They are inconsistently open to my suggestions. I never leave their side, in the hopes that they will just open their minds to my good messages. Eat fish. Don't cook it. Forget leaves. 

Special Forces

As a WLoC Special Forces team member, I am always honored and duly impressed when I meet another Species' special forces. Here I am enjoying the company of my human children's grandfather, Dede. He is applying to be a WLoC attaché. I think he is an excellent candidate.
 

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Amazon

I don't really get what "Amazon" is. Regardless I do enjoy the boxes that come with the Amazon association. It is good training for me when my humans play with me and the boxes. 

 

Our Canine Counterparts

Humans are, as we have already established, weird. They are also smart, loving, funny and kind. They can be - although it is the minority of them - mean, aggressive and hurtful. The humans are so vulnerable to other humans and demons. They are practically hairless, skin-covered, stuck on two feet, with feeble noses and eyes. They eat leaves and have pretty broken senses in general, especially their sixth sense (and their seventh, their sense of direction.) They can hardly tell when someone is up to no good; they just believe the best in everyone. Ugh. They really need protection.

I have great respect for my counterparts in the World Legion of Dogs. They work tirelessly to keep the humans safe. They do things that we at the WLoC simply cannot (and would not) do: fetching balls and papers, running through obstacle courses, taking their humans on walks, and other such activities as to keep their humans entertained and out of trouble. These dogs fully enhance their humans' lives with companionship and entertainment.  This is a tremendous, selfless job. Witout the dogs, we Cats would simply be overwhelmed by the challenge of protecting the humans. 

I have learned that when humans lose one of their protectors, perhaps a soldier, police or firefighter, they fly a special flag. And so I propose that we all fly rainbow flags in honor of Inca. Inca crossed over the Rainbow Bridge after bravely and compassionately protecting the aunts of my human children. I am certain that she kept Them safe, and moreover, she enriched Aunt Shannon's life immeasurably. Godspeed, Inca. I will see you over there some day. 

 

The Sunny Spot

There are few pleasures in life that are better than a comfy chair in a sunny spot with a view of the birds. Every morning I enjoy this spot on the dining room chair. It is best when it's sunny.

 

Before dozing off I watch the birds out the window. Sweet, yummy birds of all shapes and sizes. Sometimes a demon one will try to gain access to my humans' house by flying through the window. Of course I leap up ready to save the humans of the window should fail. The demon usually falls to the ground, into the paws of my outdoor WLoC counterpart. I snooze on. Maybe a little more than snooze, perhaps deeply sleeping is a better description. 

 

Enjoying the Fire

Ahhhh I love it when my humans make a fire in the house. ( Not so Much when the adult female smokes the food in the kitchen.) I have learned that this is part of Christmas. I like it so much because the Fire is warm and the humans sit around on the couches before it, perfect for snuggling. I snuggle very well. We have many nice quilts for snuggling.

 

 

I belong in every conversation

I follow the humans around so I can hear what they have to say. It is part of my duty to be in the know about everything. When the adults close their bedroom door in the morning, I stand outside, press my ear against it, and use my super cat hearing to listen in. Sometimes they open the door suddenly and I fall into the room.

If they are standing together and conversing, I sit between them. Sometimes I sit within earshot and they don't know. Other times I participate in the conversation. If there is action, I am there. Actually, if there is inaction, I am usually a participant. 

 

 

 

The Adult Male

Isn't he sweet? He sure loves me. He gives me treats and pets me and stays home during the day with me. When he eats in the kitchen standing up, he has a funny way of sharing food with me in which he flops a piece on the floor and says, "oops." I follow him around during the day to protect him. No demons for my humans!

 

 

Cozy Christmas Comfort

I love Christmas. I am not really sure yet what it is, but so far, so good. My humans have changed the decorations. They put a tree in the living room! It is beautiful with all kinds of silly cat toys hung all over it. Those humans, they are so weird. Why would you do that? I love to sit under it, on the lovely cat quilt they placed there for me.  They make delicious food, like shrimp and cheese platters. The house smells like cinnamon, which is not unpleasant.  I think Christmas is great.

 

The Lightboxes

Oh those humans and their light boxes. What is with them? They have small ones they hold in their hands. They have medium sizes one they put on the table. And the giant one downstairs where they all sit on the couches and look at it. I see nothing but light from any of these boxes. What on earth are they doing when they look at these boxes? Are they in some kind of trance? Sometimes I get between them and the box and they just look right through me.

 

Kitchen Help

The humans need help. They regularly prepare food, but they do thinks like wash and chop leaves, and stir weird powders into perfectly good milk or meat. And the meat! They always cook it. Ugh. Flavor gone. 

I try to assist them. It's really outside he scope of my duties as a World Legion of Cats reprentstive, but I do it because I am fond of them. They are inconsistently open to my suggestions. I never leave their side, in the hopes that they will just open their minds to my good messages. Eat fish. Don't cook it. Forget leaves. 

 

 

Fish in the Sink

So who puts perfectly good fish in the sink? That's what I went to investigate recently. As I made my rounds one afternoon I suddenly noted the distinct smell of fish in the kitchen. I raced toward the smell, surprised to find no humans in the kitchen and the smell of fish wafting down from the sink. Faster than you can say "PIPER", I jumped up to investigate. To my surprise and delight their were filets - five of them - floating in a bowl of water. Agggg the predicament: fish, in water. I am not a big fan of getting my paws wet. After a quick cost-benefit analysis, I went for it: I stuck my paw in the bowl, fully clawed and grabbed myself a filet. I flopped it into the sink. It was large, thick and white, but it's smell was somewhat muted. I sink my teeth in and AGGGGG! It was sealed in plastic! What is with these humans and their plastic garbage??? They put it everywhere. When I was in my WLoC survival training on the streets of Irvington, that plastic was EVERYwhere. What would possess you to seal a filet in plastic and put it in a bowl of water. In the sink. Humans. Are. Weird.

Look at my expression as I came out the sink. Utter disappointment. 

 

A Saucer of Milk in the Morning

Sounds like the quintessential pre-breakfast treat, right? My adult female usually serves me shortly after she rises, about 5:00. Then she gives me little treats of turkey. Following that I take the first nap of the day and wait for the sun to rise. This is a picture of my juvenile male holding my milk dish and serving me one morning recently. It was so great, as his mother had already served me once. Life is good!

 

Christmas Shrimp

Delectable and delicious. OMG. They let me lick the shrimp platter. 

 

Yummy doesn't even come close to describing it. I licked the platter clean. It took me twenty minutes. I have never had shrimp and it was AH-mazing. 

 

Subathing

Mid-morning every day I go to work on my vitamin D. I bathe myself in the sun for extended periods. This requires small positional adjustments as the sun tracks across the sky. I usually meditate or concentrate while sun bathing. Today I worked through some equations related to the amount of force required to open the refrigerator while using my body as a lever in different positions.

 

Once my fur is fully loaded I take a thorough bath and soak up all the vitamin d. I need it to keep my bones strong so I will be a good hunter of birds. I love birds. I live for birds. 

 

After my bath I go back to sunbathing. It's a wonderful routine, occasionally punctuated by the call of a bird and a flutter outside the window. I spring into action and hunt it through the window. Then back to sunbathing. 

 

On days that the sun doesn't shine, I meditate into a state of fake sun, where I believe I am sunbathing. Sometimes I can achieve time travel. More about that later. 

I love birds. 

The Risk of Demons in Fish

The World Legion of Cats exists for the protection of humanity against demons. The demons take many forms: insects, rodents, fish and birds. In the region where I live, bird demons are the greatest threat. Fish present zero threat of demon possession here. Zero. Not all birds are demons of course. The demons take bird form to sneak around, as everyone loves birds and enjoys them. In fact, humans go out of their way to feed them, shelter them, protect their habitat, and to learn about them. 

Humans also enjoy fish. My humans enjoy fish. I could not care less about them, as I am a focused, avian demon hunter. Here are the fish my humans enjoy watching, with blank stares on their faces. Their simple minds disengage and they become almost entranced:

 

Pretty uninteresting, right? Boring. I can't even look at it. 

There are fish that I enjoy with my humans, and those are the ones found on a plate. Or in a skillet. Or in the trash can. My humans are so good to me, and when they enjoy that kind of fish, they make sure that I do as well. In the past weeks I have had salmon skin, tilapia, cod and tuna. They are so delectable, each with its own deliciousness. I believe that the consumption of fish makes my feline sense and skills sharper. 

 

Blue Jays

I want one so badly. I can imagine the struggle it would put up, aggressively attacking me with its mean-looking beak. It's strong wings would beat so wonderfully against me as I sink my teeth in it's neck. Ahhhhhhhhh.....

As the humans are sleeping, I keep watch. I ensure that no blue jay demon work its curses on our house. This requires that I keep my eye on them. They like to land by the kitchen window and eat the eggshells my humans put out for them. 

 

Sometimes I get a better perspective from the side window, and can keep track of how many of them there are. 

 

Ahhhhh but to chomp one would be so wonderful. If I keep my eye on them, the someday I will earn my WLoC blue jay badge. 

Someday. 

Care and Comfort

 The juvenile humans have been sick. It has been hard to watch them moping about in discomfort. In my WLoC training, I earned perfect marks (of course) in the care and comfort of sick humans. Here's how it works:

1) rub their ankles. 

2) look at them with your eyes enlarged and your head cocked. Blink both eyes slowly at them. 

3) repeat steps 1 and 2 frequently. 

4) jump in their laps and walk back and forth periodically

5) allow them to snuggle you much longer than you think you can tolerate

6) follow them around the house just in case they need care or comfort. 

 

In the case of the juveniles' current malady, they have been home for many, many days. The adolescent female and the adult female have been regularly leaving the house to hunt birds at school and work, respectively. The juveniles and the adult male have been practicing just what every cat knows is a good habit: sleeping in. This allows me free reign of the downstairs windows for bird-demon monitoring..