A Diagram of My Torture

My adult female is dangerous in the kitchen. It's not what you think. It's not that she frequently burns food or breaks dishes on the tile. It's not that her cooking is poisonous. No, it's much worse than all of that. 

No matter where I put myself in the kitchen, she steps on me. 

It is terrible. It hurts. It is scary. 

She claims that wherever she walks, my tail is magically under her foot. Now what kind of sense does that make? I sit in the center of the kitchen. Her big clumsy feet go wherever my tail does. She even drew a diagram of her plot to step on me at every turn. Ugh.